Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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