ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
