i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
