we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
