after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
