I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
