well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
