I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
