once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
