she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
