Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
