Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
