Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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