so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
