lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
