better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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