I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
