Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
