I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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