my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
