So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
