OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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