So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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