I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
