I saw his package. It spoke to me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
