Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
