it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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