i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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