i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
