Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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