Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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