You just made me feel so damn special
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
