There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
