somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
