if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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