My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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