This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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