U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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