GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
