Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
