it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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