So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
