im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize