Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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