I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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