I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
