can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
