I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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