I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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