My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
