PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
only you would photoshop your dick
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
