he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
