i think my tv is drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
