1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
