I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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