I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
