We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
