Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
