What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He passed out mid-signature
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
