how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
