So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
