Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
