Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
