he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
