So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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