he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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