i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
